Revenge!
by Metal Gear Prime
Summary: Chapter 11 is up! This week, Inferno's situation goes from bad to worse when Smokescreen and Red Alert vow to save him. Now with a courtroom side story!
1. Who left this guy in charge?

Revenge!

By Kingdom of Deke

Before I begin, I want to say thanks to LM, Schmillian, tommy, BlazeStryker, aotrs.commander, LunarFormer and especially Albedo and Scizordramon for their reviews. You guys inspired me to write this sequel.

Summary: It's all about revenge in 2006. But who will get who…?

Author's Note: Best read this story's prequel, 'The Curse', before you read this. If you don't, it will make even less sense than it does now. 

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Nuff said.

Reviews please!

Chapter 1: Who left this guy in charge?

We start off in Cybertron. After a fashion we see Wheelie riding around the streets of one of the planet's cities on a bicycle. He's delivering newspapers. And stop looking at me like that.

**Wheelie: **Delivering papers today, hip hip hooray!

He's not much of a poet is he?

Outside of the Autobot's HQ we see Rodimus Prime, standing on the HQ's porch. He's standing there in a royal purple bathrobe, drinking energon from a mug labeled 'World's No.1 Autobot Leader'. He notes Wheelie's approach with a certain degree of disdain.

**Rodimus Prime: **There's that durn fool kid again. Always missin' our porch.

Pan out to reveal thousands of newspapers lying everywhere except the porch.

**Rodimus Prime: **I really have to get rid of those things someday… 

Cut back to Wheelie, who flings the newspaper at Autobot HQ. To Rodimus' horror, it's going to miss the porch again.

**Rodimus Prime **(in slow motion)**: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Still in slow motion, Rodimus drops his mug and races toward the newspaper, which is also in slow motion. As it nears the ground, Rodimus executes a decent mid-air scissor kick. He catches the paper with his toes and causes it to loop-de-loop and land neatly on the porch.

**Rodimus Prime **(still in slow motion)**: **YYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSS!

He starts jumping about in triumph just as Ultra Magnus opens the front door and steps out onto the porch. He is moving perfectly normally.

**Ultra Magnus **(spotting the paper)**: **Ooh the funnies!

As he stoops to pick the paper up he spots Rodimus doing a back flip and yelling in slow motion. He stares for a moment.

**Ultra Magnus: **Why are you moving in slow motion?

**Rodimus Prime **(speaking and moving normally)**: **Erm…You see that's really three questions in one. You see…

This could take a bit so why don't we check up on the Thousand Stooges, AKA the Decepticons.

*****

Meanwhile, at the Planet o' the Eternal Badasses, otherwise known as Char…

We see Galvatron sitting on his throne. He's sleeping. As we pan out we see Cyclonus and Scourge standing a few feet from his throne staring at him.

**Scourge: **I don't believe this. He's asleep AGAIN!

**Cyclonus: **Look, just be glad I got him off the roof.

Flashback – a few days earlier

We see Galvatron perched atop Decepticon HQ, with his arms tucked into his side. He is sitting on a nest and is wearing a red rubber glove on his head and a papier-mâché beak on his face.

**Galvatron: **COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!

Cyclonus comes up through a hatch in the roof.

**Cyclonus: **Mighty Galvatron, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

He hands Galvatron a sheet of data.

**Cyclonus: **After two days of intense study and toil, the Constructicons have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not, in fact, a mother hen, but a robot.

Galvatron looks confused for a moment, then reaches underneath him to produce a large rock crudely painted to look like an egg.

**Galvatron: **But…BUT WHAT OF MY YOUNG?!?!

Galvatron furiously wags the 'egg' in Cyclonus' face.

**Cyclonus: **…You don't have any young. Plus, that's not even a real egg.

**Galvatron: **LIAR! BWAAAAAAAA!

Galvatron shoots Cyclonus off the roof with his fusion cannon.

End Flashback

**Scourge: **This guy's nuttier than a bag of peanuts passed around a mental institution.

**Cyclonus: **…

**Scourge: **Let's see you do better when you only have a second to think.

Galvatron chooses this moment to wake up.

**Galvatron **(frightened)**: **BWAAAAAAAAAA!

He spots Cyclonus and Scourge.

**Galvatron: **Cyclonus! I had the dream again!

**Cyclonus: **The one about the tap dancing penguins?

**Galvatron: **Yes! But this time they did not tap alone, no indeed. They tapped with the one who plagues me. The one who I now know I must destroy to gain peace.

**Scourge: **Who?

Dramatic Pause.

**Galvatron: **RATCHET!

Awkward Pause.

**Cyclonus **(quick glance at Scourge)**: **But…Galvatron, Ratchet is…dead.

Just A Plain Old Pause.

**Galvatron: **What's your point?

To Be Continued…


	2. Return of the Prat

Author's Note: Forgot to mention before that this story takes place a few months after 'Ghost In The Machine'. This is important for one very special reason…

Chapter 2: Return of the Prat

Back on Cybertron…

Rodimus, sans bathrobe, and Ultra Magnus stride into the control room, where Arcee, Springer, Blaster and Bumblebee at first seem to be doing highly technical and important work. On closer inspection, however, they are revealed to be playing Half-Life.

**Rodimus Prime: **What in the name of the great Primus, whose hideous visage is not unlike my own, are you doing?!?!

**Arcee: **Shh!

There is a loud explosion heard from the monitors.

**Arcee: **YES!

**Springer: **Damn it!

**Rodimus Prime: **I order you all to stop this and get back to work!

The other Autobots ignore him.

**Rodimus Prime: **Magnus, stop them!

**Ultra Magnus: **You got it Rodimus!

Magnus walks up to the others.

**Ultra Magnus: **Okay guys, it's time to-

**Bumblebee: **We've got room for one more player.

**Ultra Magnus: **COOL!

Magnus sits down at a monitor and joins in. Rodimus stares at him in shock before exiting in a huff.

**Rodimus Prime: **Dammit, that's the ninth time this week! And it's only Tuesday!

He walks into the Hall of Prime. In the middle of the hall is a giant platinum statue of the late Optimus Prime and on the walls are pictures commemorating his many, many, many, many…

**Rodimus Prime: **ALRIGHT ALREADY! We get the idea!

Sorry…achievements.

**Rodimus Prime: **Oh Prime, how can I ever hope to match what you had accomplished?

We pan over numerous pictures, each depicting an amazing miracle that Prime worked. In the first he can be seen saving an entire city from Decepticon attack, in the next he is curing a previously incurable disease and in the one after that he is performing his most amazing miracle; guiding Bradford City to the English Premiership title.

**Rodimus Prime: **Damn you Prime! Why did you have to be such a hero?

**Statue of Prime:** I dunno, just the way I am I guess.

Rodimus looks at the statue for a second before tearing out of the room, screaming in terror. A few seconds after he's left Kup steps out from behind the statue with a huge grin on his face.

**Kup: **Heh, heh, heh…

*****

Back on Char…

**Cyclonus: **But Mighty Galvatron, you cannot get revenge on that which is already dead!

**Galvatron:** Says you.

Cyclonus looks at Scourge, his two Sweeps and Armada (the Cyclonus look-alike), with a look of exasperation on his face then tries again. The Sweeps and Armada wish they hadn't walked in a second ago.

**Cyclonus: **Don't you remember the attack on the Autobot shuttle?

**Galvatron: **What sort of fool do you take me for? I remember it as if it were yesterday.

Flashback – The attack on the Autobot shuttle during the movie

The Decepticons break into the shuttle as they did in the movie. Megatron is dressed in a rather fetching pink summer dress with a daring low cut, along with a big sun hat. The boarding party includes Starscream, Thundercracker, Skywarp, (who are dressed as Huey, Dewey and Louie), Soundwave, (who is dressed as Donald Duck), Ravage, (wearing a green pork-pie hat and a collar and tie), the Insecticons, (all three with more limbs than is strictly necessary) and the Constructicons (who are dressed as Rocky Horror rejects). As Megatron speaks his voice goes from a really high pitch to a very low one on every other word.

**Megatron: **Autobots! PREPARE to MEET your DOOM! Decepticons, ATTACK!

**Seekers: **You got it, Unca Megatron!

Cut to the Autobots. Brawn is dressed like one of the Seven Dwarves, Ironhide resembles Homer Simpson, Prowl has a potted fern for a head and Ratchet is bulging with muscles.

**Brawn: **HEIGH-HO!

He runs toward the Decepticons. Megatron aims his fusion cannon and blows him away.

**Ravage **(in a Yogi Bear like voice)**: **That was a pretty good shot Meg-sy.

**Megatron: **QUIET you!

**Ravage: **Whatever you say Meg-sy.

Prowl gets up from his seat and starts firing at the 'Cons. Scavenger, dressed like a dominatrix, returns fire and manages to set Prowl's leafy head ablaze.

**Prowl: **WHY, GOD, WHY?!

Prowl collapses amid the stench of burnt foliage.

Acting quickly, Ironhomer picks up a massive pulse cannon and aims it at the invaders. 

**Ironhomer: **Top this!

The Decepticons pull out massive guns of their own and aim them at the balding Autobot.

**Ironhomer: **D'OH!

Ironhomer is ventilated by the Decepticons.

**Megatron **(to Ratchet)**: **Now IT'S your TURN! 

**Ratchet **(in a Schwarzenegger-like voice)**: **I think not!

Ratchet knocks Megatron aside with one powerful arm before tying the other Decepticons up with a handy girder. 

**Ravage: **This is a pretty tight squeeze, Meg-sy.

**Ratchet **(picking Megatron off the floor)**: **Now my puny friend I will subject you to…THE WALTZ OF DEATH!

**Decepticons: **GASP!!

**Ironhomer **(not quite dead yet)**: **Mmm, waltz of death…

Ratchet forces Megatron into a waltz position before the two of them start prancing wildly around the shuttle, with Megatron screaming in pain and terror.

End Flashback

**Galvatron **(stroking his chin)**: **Yesss…a difficult time indeed…

Cyclonus, Scourge, Armada and the Sweeps slowly back out of the throne room but are stopped by a command by Galvatron.

**Galvatron: **I WILL have my revenge on Ratchet, and YOU WILL bring him here to me! Understood?

**Cyclonus: **But Gal-

Galvatron's fusion cannon can be heard charging up.

**Cyclonus: **One Autobot medic coming right up!

The Decepticons haul ass out of the throne room. Once they are safely in the corridor they begin talking.

**Sweep #1: **Why does he want revenge on this guy anyway?

**Armada: **Don't you remember? That whole 'Megachet' episode?

**All **(in a weird creepy unified monotone)**: **Megachet…

**Cyclonus: **I know that Megatron was never all that sane to begin with but I can't imagine that fusing with Ratchet helped any.

**Sweep #2: **Neither did the way we separated them.  

Flashback – 20 odd tears ago

We're in a large room with a humongous and complicated looking machine taking up most of it. A crane suspends Megachet over it. As well as Starscream and Soundwave, the future 'Cons are there in their previous forms: Bombshell (Cyclonus), Skywarp (Scourge), Thundercracker (Armada), Shrapnel (Sweep #1) and Kickback (Sweep #2).

**Soundwave: **Are you sure this will separate Megatron from the Autobot?

**Bombshell: **Quite sure. This machine will break them down to the molecular level then re-constitute them into their original selves. It is nigh on foolproof.

**Megachet: **WAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!

**Skywarp: **So what are you waiting for? Drop 'em in!

Bombshell nods, then walks over to a lever next to the machine and pulls it. The top of the machine opens and Megachet is dropped inside. A number of weird and worrying noises can be heard emanating from the machine. All except Bombshell look worried. After a few moments of this a light on the exit door of the machine lights up with a 'PING!' and swings open. Megachet lurches out, still fused as one but now resembling something that Picasso might have painted while drunk.

**Megachet: **NEEEEEEEAAAACCCKKK!

(Translation: We…hurt.)

The Decepticons stare at the grotesque monstrosity for a few seconds. Finally Starscream speaks up.

**Starscream: **Excuse me.

He steps out of the room.

**Starscream **(off screen)**: **BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Bombshell **(quickly turning to the machine's control station)**: **Don't worry! I'm sure this will just take a second to fix!

End Flashback

**Sweep #2: **It took four hours.

**Cyclonus: **You can't blame his insanity on me alone! What about straight after we separated the two of them and the cable which was supposed to replace a few lost data files was plugged into the base's TV set instead of the main computer bank?

Flashback – Same time period as before but a few hours later

Starscream can be seen sitting on a sofa reading '101 Ways To Seize Control In A Bloodless Coup' when Megatron walks in. His left eye is open wider than his right eye and his left eyebrow is raised.

**Megatron: **CAN YOU SMELL WHAT MEGATRON IS COOKING?!

**Starscream: **Wha?

**Megatron:** YOU DISSIN' ME FOO'?! I'M GONNA LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON YO' SORRY ASS!

**Starscream: **EEK!

End Flashback

**Cyclonus: **It took another two hours to purge the corrupted files and a further three to remove the table from Starscream's torso.

**Scourge: **And then Ratchet woke up…

Flashback – a few hours after the last one

**Megatron **(standing in triumph)**: **HA! Finally I am my old powerful self again. No more pain, no more eye problems and 50% fewer voices in my head!

**Thundercracker: **50%?

**Kickback: **What do you want us to do with Ratchet?

Megatron considers what to do with the doc. Finally he shakes his head.

**Megatron: **Release him. I do not wish to see him again for as long as I live.

Starscream walks over to Ratchet, who is lying on a table, to wake him up. Suddenly Ratchet wakes up with a start and slugs Starscream before leaping acrobatically off the table.

**Ratchet: **NO! This cannot be allowed to continue!

**Decepticons: **…Huh?

**Ratchet **(getting really dramatic)**: **Too fast, events gathering pace, STEAMROLLING towards disaster! I must…

He turns to Starscream and rips one of his null ray guns off. He aims it a tank of energon in the corner of the room.

**Ratchet **(really going for the Oscar here)**: **…BREAK THE CHAIN!!!!!

He fires at the tank. Nothing happens.

Cut back to Ratchet looking perturbed. He starts wildly firing off shots at the tank, screaming various demonic curses. The 'Cons watched on, way too frightened by the scary medic with the funny helmet attachment to stop him.

Finally the null ray ran out of energy. Ratchet stared at it for a moment before flinging it to the ground and facing the disturbed Decepticons.

**Ratchet: **So long, suckers!

He flings a smoke bomb to the ground, then transforms into his ambulance mode and drives off laughing like the giant loon that he is.

**Shrapnel: **Where did he get the smoke bomb, bomb?

**Megatron:** BAH! It matters not! So long as he left without causing further chaos…

Cue the tank which explodes violently but somehow only torches Megatron.

**Megatron: **…Gah…

At this point a large chunk of the ceiling comes looses and collapses on Megatron, followed by an array of very heavy machinery.

**Starscream: **Hee, hee, hee…

End Flashback

**Cyclonus: **Well, whatever reason for Galvatron's insanity, the fact remains someone will have to be sent on a suicide mission to Cybertron.

**Armada: **Are you going to do it?

**Cyclonus: **Of course not! I have…other matters to attend to…

He looks feverishly at a locked door.

**Cyclonus: **If we are to send anyone, it should be our most worthless soldiers; soldiers who would lose a battle of wits with a sheet of metal, soldiers who absolutely scream 'expendable'…

At this point the 'Cons pass a window. Outside they can see Runamuck and Runabout, the latter getting up off the ground while cupping his crotch.

**Runamuck: **Okay, now you kick ME in the happy sacks and we'll see if it hurts me.

Cut back to the indoor 'Cons.

**Cyclonus: **Gentlemen, I give you the perfect soldiers for the job.

*WHUNK!*

**Runamuck **(off screen and very high pitched)**: **AAAUUUUUGGH!

*****

At this moment, an ancient evil zoomed through space heading towards Earth. His body repaired after his altercation with Galvatron, he dreamed of numerous ways to exact his revenge, most of which involved sharp instruments in sensitive places. Heaven help those who get in his way and-

**Starscream **(wiping some space dust off his wing)**: **Oh darn these stubborn space dust stains!

Looks at the planet Earth and laughs wildly, despite the fact that sound doesn't carry in space.

**Starscream: **Oh yes, as soon as I touch down I can make plans to get back to Cybertron. And then…GALVATRON WILL PAY! HAHAHAHAHA…say, what's that big rocky thing heading straight towards-

An asteroid hits Starscream at full speed, destroying his body and leaving his ghost behind. He watches the asteroid cart his wrecked body out into deepest space.

**Starscream: **DAMMIT!

To Be Continued…


	3. Weird Science

Chapter 3: Weird Science

About an hour later still on Char…

Runabout walks down a corridor until he reaches an Indian style tent. A sign above the flap says 'The Shaman is in'.

Entering the flap Runabout finds Soundwave sitting cross-legged on the floor. He is dressed as a typical shaman with any number of mystical nick-knacks lying in well-chosen places. The whole scene has a real mystic quality to it, ruined only by the presence of Laserbeak and Buzzsaw playing poker in the back of the tent.

**Soundwave: **What is troubling you, my son?

**Runabout: **I understand you can decipher meanings from dreams?

**Soundwave: **That I can. Do you have a dream you wish me to analyze?

**Runabout: **Mmm-hmm. I think it might foretell how our mission might turn out.

Soundwave nods and makes a gesture with his hand, indicating to Runabout to tell him the dream.

**Runabout: **Well, it starts off with seven human milkmaids gorging on vast amounts of meat and vegetable pies. Then they each climb a Mount Everest and simultaneously vomit three times while singing 'Say it now and say it loud, I'm a milkmaid and I'm proud'. After that I'm suddenly in a disco dressed like Krusty the Klown with a giant afro. I dance with three pigs, two hens, nine ducks and a pair of four headed cows before I finally run into a gorgeous leather-wearing sheep. She proposes to me with a diamond ring with an Autobot insignia in the middle. I accept and at the end we get married by Snarl before being whisked away to the Land of Oz for our honeymoon by Royce Glas wearing a tutu.

**Soundwave:** …

**Runabout: **Soooo…what d'ya think it means?

**Soundwave: **…Please leave my tent.

*****

Another hour later, in Control Tower 1…

Shockwave can be seen working the controls on a computer panel when Cyclonus walks in.

**Cyclonus: **OK, I'm here. What is it you wanted to show me?

**Shockwave: **THIS!

Shockwave's finger hovers a big red button. It stays there for a quite a while.

**Cyclonus: **…Well?

**Shockwave **(irritably)**: **Can't you see I'm trying to build up dramatic tension?

A few more minutes pass. Cyclonus makes to leave.

**Shockwave: **WAIT! I'm going to push it this time. Really!

Cyclonus stops and laboriously turns around.

**Shockwave: **Behold…HOLO-SHOCKWAVE!

Shockwave pushed the button and a hologram of himself crackles into existence. It looks like the real Shockwave in every detail except for the fact that the hologram's eye is shaped like a 'H' rather than the normal sphere.

**Holo-Shockwave: **Hypothesis: I…live. Conclusion: …I, uh, live. 

**Shockwave: **My god! I was just about to say that!

**Holo-Shockwave: **Were you really? How uncanny!

Both Shockwaves laugh for a full ten minutes at this. Cyclonus desperately tries not to commit murder.

**Cyclonus: **…OK, and why have you done this?

**Shockwave: **I created Holo-Shockwave to facilitate in my absence should it ever arise.

**Cyclonus: **Why? 

**Shockwave: **Do you remember the events of twenty-odd years ago?

**Cyclonus: **Yeah.

**Shockwave: **Well, when I was transformed into a humble tin o' biscuits I was unable to function in my role as Decepticon Commander of Cybertron. I think it was the lack of limbs that did me in. At any rate, I needed someone to perform my special duties if I am ever incapacitated again.

**Cyclonus: **So you've used a large portion of the base's power and thousands of work hours to create a hologram of yourself to push a few buttons and shout out random orders?  

**Shockwave: **Yes, that's about the size of it.

**Cyclonus **(rubbing his temples)**: **Oy vey…

At this point the com system crackles into life.

**Runamuck **(on the com)**: **Shuttle 2 ready for launch.

**Shockwave: **Roger that Shuttle 2. You are cleared for launch. Godspeed.

The ship can be heard launching from the shuttle port. We focus on the Shockwaves, who are obviously expressionless, and Cyclonus who looks as though he's just seen Drew Carrey naked.

**Shockwave **(to Holo-Shockwave)**: **So, how do you think they'll do?

**Holo-Shockwave: **I think they'll do just fine.

**Cyclonus **(in complete disbelief)**: **The ship's going sideways!!!

Cut to the ship which is indeed flying through space sideways. It continues like this for a while before a collision with a rogue asteroid knocks it into the right flying position. Over the still open com, the three 'Cons can hear Runamuck faintly saying "Well done, Mr. Runabout. Well done!"

**Cyclonus **(cradling his face in his hands)**: **Our race is doomed…

*****

Meanwhile, in Galvatron's throne room…

**Rumble: **Are you sure we should be doing this?

**Frenzy **(holding a rock shaped and painted like an egg)**: **C'mon, ya wuss! It's not like he's here right now is it?

**Rumble: **Yeah, but what if he walks in on us while we're planting that thing? I mean he could burst through that door…RIGHT NOW!

Rumble spins around to face the door, which stays as still as ever.

**Frenzy **(smacking Rumble upside the head)**: **Would you relax? Look, if we get the same reaction out of that psychopath like we did the last time, won't it be worth the risk?

Rumble thinks back to the last time and giggles.

**Rumble: **Alright, alright you've convinced me. Let's just hurry up, yeah?

**Frenzy: **Of course.

Frenzy picks up the 'egg' and places it on the throne.

**Frenzy: **Man, who would have thought that using a rock to practice my Easter Egg painting skills on would lead to so much fun?

The tapes are about to leave when they hear footsteps coming towards the throne room, accompanied by random swearing and muttering.

**Rumble **(completely in a panic)**: **Oh dear sweet Faye Valentine! He's coming and we're going to die! Oh dear god! (Begins to blubber like a particularly cranky baby).

**Frenzy **(also panicked but still able to control himself)**: **Quickly, behind the throne! It's our only chance!

Frenzy grabs Rumble and drags him behind the throne just as Galvatron enters. He looks to be in a foul mood until he sees the 'egg' on his throne. He looks close to tears of joy as he walks over to the false produce of chickens and picks it up with tender loving care.

**Galvatron: **I'M GOING TO BE A MOTHER!

Cut back to Rumble and Frenzy, both desperately trying not to laugh.

**Frenzy **(whisper)**: **Score!

*****

Over on Cybertron…

**Rodimus Prime: **…OK, and Jazz you have the midnight shift with Cliffjumper.

**Jazz: **Aw man, I'm on guard duty with the Red Dwarf _again_?

**Cliffjumper: **STOP CALLING ME THAT! AAARRRRGGGHHHH!

Cliffjumper chases Jazz with a large machete. After watching them go, Rodimus and Arcee walk down the corridor.

**Arcee: **Say, when are you going to assign a science officer to study that nearby pulsar?

**Rodimus Prime: **Never.

**Arcee: **Huh? Why?

**Rodimus Prime: **Let's say I'm not on good terms with the science team at the moment.

**Arcee: **Really? You mean you've fallen out with Perceptor? 

**Rodimus Prime: **Yep. Ever since that 'Swedish Porn' incident…

Flashback - a few days ago

Ultra Magnus is lounging seductively on the table when Rodimus walks in. He doesn't seem to mind.

**Rodimus Prime **(bad Swedish accent)**: **Miss me?

**Ultra Magnus **(_really _bad Swedish accent)**: **Oh ya! It so sexy in here.

Looks at Rodimus.

**Ultra Magnus: **It so sexy down dere.

He gets off the table and picks up a data pad.

**Ultra Magnus: **Here are da efficiency reports! (drops dem, I mean them on the floor).

**Rodimus Prime: **Oh! You dropped dem on dey floor! You better pick dem up!

**Ultra Magnus: **You got it!

Bends over extravagantly.

Cut now to Perceptor's lab, where he's watching these events on a wide screen monitor. 

**Perceptor: **Heh, heh, heh…

He ticks a box on a 'To Do' datapad. The box he ticked corresponds to 'Download entire database of Swedish porn into Rodimus and Magnus' personality programs'.   

End Flashback

**Rodimus Prime: **What I don't understand is how the entire army found out about it and so quickly too.

**Arcee **(suddenly very nervous)**: **Yeah, that's a real mystery…

Flashback – a day after the S.P. incident

Arcee is standing behind a stall with a stack of tapes in front of her. In front of the stall is a huge gang of Autobots all bearing loads of energon cubes.

**Arcee: **Step right up, step right up! Be amongst the first in this galaxy to see the steamy Rodimus/Magnus porn epic, 'Who Says It's Lonely At The Top?' Only 60 Energon cubes per tape!

**Sludge: **ME SLUDGE TAKE FOUR!

End Flashback

**Arcee **(trying to change the subject)**: **Okay then, what about Brainstorm?

**Rodimus Prime: **Nuh-uh. I still haven't forgiven him for the 'Polish Porn' incident.

**Arcee: **…I won't ask.

**Rodimus Prime: **Good choice.

*****

Around this time on Earth…

**Starscream: **PAH! So what if I'm a ghost again! I can still get revenge on Galvatron! This just means I'll need a lackey to help me in my quest. Someone I can manipulate and is willing to go from 'partner' to 'living shield' when the need arises. Now whom can I find…

So lost in thought is Starscream that he bumps into what to him is a solid object.

**Starscream: **Watch where you're going you fool!

He turns to face the bumper and freezes when he sees who it is.

**Waspinator** (also a ghost)**: **Why you call Wazzzzpinator fool?

To Be Continued…


	4. Days of Blunder

Author's Note: This story also takes place, thanks to the baffling mess that is time travel, after the Beast Wars episode where Starscream possess Waspinator and causes his own special brand of havoc for the Maximals. That's how the following dialogue between the Air Commander and the Predacon who makes the Dinobots look eloquent can take place. Oh, and by the way, any dialogue between these symbols means that it's sung.

Chapter 4: Days of Blunder

A field somewhere in the USA…

**Starscream: **WASPINATOR?!?

**Waspinator: **ZZZZZTARSCREAM?!?

**Starscream: **How did you get here? More to the point, why are you dead?

**Waspinator: **Wazzzzzzzpinator not know. One minute Wazzzzzzpinator showing humanzzzzz how lightning conductor work during thunderstorm, then there was bright flash of light and a tingle, then Wazzzzpinator no able to touch thingzzzzz no more.

**Starscream: **What were you using as a conductor?

**Waspinator: **Myzzzzzelf.

**Starscream: **…Good to know you're still the massive intellect you always were. (suddenly gets an idea) Say, how would you like to join me on a quest for-

**Waspinator: **Wazzzzzzzpinator will do it!

**Starscream: **…But you haven't heard what I'm questing for.

**Waspinator: **That okay! Wazzzzzzpinator willing to do ANYTHING!

**Starscream **(places his fingertips together in a pyramid formation)**: **Excellent…

Evil music plays.

*********

Cybertron…

We can see Sureshot walking down the corridor towards a door clearly marked 'Brainstorm's Lab'. As he nears it he can hear the eponymous scientist singing to himself.

**Brainstorm **(off screen)**: **In Brainstorm's LAB-RA-TORY!

                                           Lives the smartest bot you've ever seen!

                                           But Perceptor blows his ex-per-iments

                                           To SMI-THER-EENS!

                                            Go, you goon, when things go BOOM!

                                            In Brainstorm's LAAAAAAAAAB!

Sureshot shudders briefly before opening the door. In the actual lab he finds Brainstorm working on something at the far end of the room under a sheet.

**Sureshot: **Brainstorm?

Brainstorm leaps up in shock and spins around to face Sureshot, making sure to keep his project under wraps.

**Brainstorm: **Sureshot?!? What are you doing here?

**Sureshot: **Jazz sent me. He wants to know if you're finished with his Cowboy Bebop DVDs yet.

**Brainstorm: **I'm not. I'll need them for a few hours more.

**Sureshot: **Say, what're you working on anyway? A new weapon?

Sureshot walks over to the covered project but is stopped by Brainstorm.

**Brainstorm: **It's none of your concern. Now I believe you were just leaving?

**Sureshot: **Oh all right…

Sureshot makes as if he's about to leave. Once he sees that Brainstorm has relaxed slightly he dashes forward and rips the sheet off the project.

**Brainstorm: **NO…!

Sureshot stares in surprise at the project. From what he can see, Brainstorm has constructed a perfect replica of…

**Sureshot: **Faye Valentine?

Cut to the Faye replica. It looks exactly like the Faye from the show, from the hair color to the clothing (yellow top and shorts, red shawl type dealie around the shoulders and cream colored leggings). It's sitting in a chair and has numerous wires coming out of its head. Following the wires, Sureshot found that they were connected to a monitor showing the 'Jammin With Edward' episode.

**Sureshot: **What the hell is going on?

**Brainstorm: **Alright, alright! I'll tell you. But you must promise me that you don't breathe a word of this to anyone, understand?

**Sureshot: **Why? (suddenly realizes) You mean Perceptor?

**Brainstorm: **Mmm-hmm. He would just love to ruin this for me.

**Sureshot: **But what is it?

**Brainstorm: **It all started about two weeks ago. I happened across one of Jazz's Cowboy Bebop DVDs when I was skulking…I mean, wandering around the base. Curious as to what he kept going on about I played the disk and expected nothing but pure drivel.

Brainstorm suddenly gets very passionate and grabs Sureshot by the arms.

**Brainstorm: **It was there that I found it. The one thing I've been missing my entire life!

**Sureshot: **…Sanity?

**Brainstorm: **Ye…NO! HER!

Brainstorm points to Faye.

**Sureshot: **Wait a sec…you mean to tell me that that's a robot made up to look a popular anime character?

**Brainstorm: **Precisely! Right now I'm downloading the character's personality traits from the DVDs into her neural net! When I activate her she will have the exact same personality as she does on the show!

**Sureshot: **All for the express purpose of getting a date?

**Brainstorm: **Yep. It's not as if any of the female Autobots are tearing down my door to get to me, at least in the non-homicidal way. So I figured, why not go the Bride of Frankenstein route, only with matching body parts?

**Sureshot: **Okay then, but how are you going to…well, do anything with her? You don't have a mouth…

Sureshot is silenced when Brainstorm removes his facemask to reveal a newly constructed mouth complete with tongue.

**Brainstorm: **Just completed it this morning.

At this point the camera moves out of the lab, obscuring Sureshot and Brainstorm.

**Sureshot** (off screen)**: **…Oooooookaaaayy. But what about in, um, more _private _matt-

Sureshot is cut off again by a few clanks, grunts and whirrs, the sounds made by someone removing a piece of armor.

**Sureshot **(off screen)**: **OH MY GOD! 

*****

Cybertron, Control Tower 1…

Loud blues music can be heard with the room where Jazz and Cliffjumper are working. Jazz is enjoying the music immensely. Cliffjumper isn't, as is shown by the number of strips he's ripped off the wall in anger. Finally he snaps and turns off the music.

**Jazz: **HEY! I was listening to that!

**Cliffjumper: **Yes, you were…FOR SIX STRAIGHT HOURS! Can't we listen to something else? I thought you solely a jazz lover anyway.

**Jazz: **Don't be dense! I started wailing the blues when the doctor whacked my bottom on the day I was born.

**Cliffjumper: **That's nice. And stopping quoting that bloody anime.

At this point a distant_craaaaassssshhh _came be heard form the far side of the planet.

**Cliffjumper: **Did you here something?

**Jazz **(quickly turns the blues back on and locks the off button)**: **Nope. Not a thing.

**Cliffjumper: **SHEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!

*****

Still on Cybertron, Underground Autobot Crypts…

We can see that the shuttle Runamuck and Runabout departed from Char in was the object that made the crashing noise by smashing trough the planet's surface. After a bit of grunting and swearing the duo groggily step out of the shuttle.

**Runamuck: **What did I tell you about keeping your eye on the grav read out?

**Runabout: **But I'm tellin' ya bro, I got distracted!

Flashback – a few minutes earlier

Runabout is in the cockpit by himself checking various dials and what not as Cybertron looms into view. Just as he's about to call Runamuck over the intercom he happens to glance out the window and is stunned to see Royce Glas (from the Fear Effect games) floating by in a tutu.

**Royce Glas: **Hi, how are ya?

**Runabout: **My dream! It's coming true!

In his excitement he accidentally pushes the joystick forward, causing the shuttle to go into a death dive.

**Runabout: **…Whoops.

End Flashback

**Runamuck: **See, this is why we command so little respect in the army. If you keep…what's wrong?

Runabout stares in awe at something in the distance. He points a shaky finger at it.

**Runabout: **LOOK!

Runamuck follows his finger to an oddly shaped structure in the distance. There was nothing special about it as far as the Battlecharger could see.

**Runamuck: **What about it?

**Runabout: **It's the Proposing Sheep!

We look through Runabout's eyes and see that he perceives it as a sheep on one knee holding a diamond ring.

**Runamuck: **…It's the what now?

**Runabout: **Don't you see? My dream's coming true! IT'S AN OMEN I TELLS YA!

**Voice **(in the distance but getting closer)**: **Who's there?!

**Runamuck: **Oh Primus, a guard! 

Runamuck pushes Runabout into the shadows just as the guard strides into view. He is the one Autobot dumb enough to match the feeble wit of the Battlechargers. He is…

**Warpath: **I said BLAM! BOOM! KAZOWY! who goes there?

**Runamuck **(panicking)**: **It is I, Shamus!

**Warpath: **Shamus? KABLAM!

**Runamuck: **Yeah, Shamus…O'Lunacy. (winces)

As this meeting of the minds takes place we can see Runabout sneak around the chamber and end up behind Warpath, using the shadows as cover. Picking up a large slab of steel he runs up to Warpath and slams him over the head with it.

Warpath: Ow! KAZINGY! 

Warpath goes down. Runamuck gazed at the fallen Autobot for a moment and wondered how much longer the author could keep getting away with this crap. He wasn't the only one.

**Runamuck: **'Kazingy'?

**Runabout: **C'mon! Let's get the body before anything else happens.

The Battlechargers run down the path Warpath had used and within minutes arrive in the burial chamber.

**Runabout: **Okay, which one's our guy?

Runamuck walks over to one of the upright coffins and stares at the nameplate. It clearly says, in big bold letters, 'Ratchet'. He stares for a few minutes more before shaking his head in defeat.

**Runamuck: **Damn! It's times like these I wished I knew how to read.

**Runabout: **Ditto. Say, how about we take 'em all and let Cyclonus worry about it?

**Runamuck: **Sounds like a plan.

*****

A few hours later in the meeting room…

**Rodimus Prime: **What do you mean the Autobot crypt has been looted?!?

**Springer: **Exactly what I said. Every single body has been removed.

**Rodimus Prime: **Why?! And by whom?

**Arcee: **We don't know.

**Rodimus Prime: **You don't know?! Didn't you ask the guard?

Arcee and Springer nod.

**Rodimus Prime: **And you couldn't get any worthwhile information out of him? Who the hell was the guard on duty?

**Warpath **(off screen)**: **KABLAMMO!

**Rodimus Prime: **…Oh.

**Ultra Magnus: **So what now? Without any clues how can we figure out who managed to sneak past our defenses? They could strike again you know.

**Rodimus Prime: **I know, I know…

**Arcee: **So what are we going to do?

**Rodimus Prime: **I'm afraid we'll have to call on…_his _services again.

Pan over the horrified faces of the other Autobots.

**Springer: **Oh no, you can't mean…!

**Rodimus Prime: **I'm afraid I do. We'll have to call…

Rodimus turns to the window as the camera zooms in for a Really Dramatic Close-Up.

**Rodimus Prime: **…NIGHTBEAT!!!

To Be Continued…

There was a few storylines I couldn't include in this chapter due to time constraints (mostly about Galvatron's 'egg' and what Cyclonus' project is). But rest assured I will include them in the next chapter! Until then, thanks for the reviews and see you in Chapter 5: Enter the Nightbeat!


	5. Enter the Nightbeat

Chapter 5: Enter the Nightbeat

In the skies above Denver…

**Waspinator: **Are we there yet?

**Starscream: **No.

**Waspinator: **Are we there yet?

**Starscream: **No.

**Waspinator: **Are we there yet?

**Starscream: **No.

**Waspinator: **Are we there yet?

**Starscream: **No.

**Waspinator: **Are we there yet?

**Starscream: **N– wait…nnnnnnnnow we're there.

The duo land at the entrance of…

**Waspinator **(reading the sign)**: **Pokemon City Alpha B-1?

**Starscream: **Yep. In the year 2003, Pokemon grew to such an extent that it ended up taking over a large part of every government in the world. As a result each country has its own Pokecity.

**Waspinator: **…

**Starscream: **And to think those fools thought it was a mere addictive fad! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

**Waspinator: **…Oooooookaaaayy…zzzzzzzo why are we here?

**Starscream: **We're here to recruit a few more soldiers to our cause. If I'm right, we should find three of them in here.

Starscream and Waspinator enter the city. They pass by such famous buildings as the Mewtwo Hotel, the Kabutops Dojo and the Lickitung Sex Parlor when suddenly…

**Starscream **(pointing)**: **AH-HA! There they are!

Waspinator follows Starscream's finger to a street show depicting the Pokemon movies. The audience consists of a few human Pokefans as well as Ramjet, Thrust and Dirge. It's obvious that Ramjet and Thrust are enjoying themselves as they clap their hands and sing along to the theme song, whereas Dirge is fighting not to burst into tears.

**Ramjet/Thrust: **GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALLLLLLLLL! POK-E-MON!

**Dirge: **Kill meeeeeee…

**Waspinator: **They are the onezzzzzzz?

**Starscream: **Indeed. These brave bots will help us rule the galaxy!

**Waspinator: **…Zzzzzzzzzzcreamer bot gone insane hazzzzzzn't he?

**Starscream: **I should coco. Now come on!

The duo dive forward and possess two animatronic Pokemon statues: Weezing (Starscream) and Arbok (Waspinator).

**Waspinator: **Now what?

**Starscream: **Now we wait.

*****

Stately Nightbeat Manor, Cybertron…

Hosehead, dressed in a butler's outfit, answers the ringing doorbell to find Blurr standing on the porch.

**Hosehead: **Welcome friend Blurr to…(hesitates)

**Nightbeat **(off screen)**: **Say it!

**Hosehead **(sighing)**: **…STATELY NIGHTBEAT MANOR!

At this point a panel opens up in the wall to reveal three femmebots by the names of Bleu, Clover and Erin standing behind some microphones and looking miserable. The theme form 'Shaft' plays.

**Hosehead **(reluctantly)**: **Who's that sexy private dick who makes it out with all the chiiiiiicksss?

**Erin/Clover/Bleu **(very reluctantly)**: **NIGHTBEAT!

**Hosehead: **Damn right.

**Blurr: **Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleasestop.

**Hosehead: **You got it.

The femmebots breathe a sigh of relief as they walk off. Hosehead leads Blurr into the manor until they reach the study. Nightbeat is there, sitting on a throne, wearing a burgundy bathrobe and a propeller beanie while smoking a pipe.

**Nightbeat: **Ah, if it isn't…um…

**Hosehead: **Blurr, sir.

**Nightbeat: **Who?

**Hosehead: **Blurr. You know. (does a running motion)

**Nightbeat: **Ah yes, Blurr! Fleet of foot, slow of mind.

**Hosehead: **Uh, yes…

**Nightbeat **(to Blurr)**: **So, what can I do for you old chum?

(It's funnier if you imagine Nightbeat saying 'old chum' the way Adam West did in Batman. Yes, I used to watch Batman. Feel free to stop laughing any day now) 

**Blurr: **It'sterribleNightbeatjustterriblealltheAutobotbodieshavebeenstolenfromthecrypt!

**Nightbeat: **By Primus old chum! You can count me on the case. SIREN!

**Hosehead: **Oh no…

**Siren: **Holy loud voices Nightbeat! What's up?

**Nightbeat: **Saddle up old chum, we've got a case to solve!

**Siren: **Holy incalculable excitement Nightbeat!

**Blurr/Hosehead: **…

*********

Back on Char…

**Cyclonus **(hunched over something)**: **Heh heh heh…it's almost complete.

He steps away to reveal what he's been working on: a robot replica of Elise Briggs from SSX Tricky.

**Cyclonus: **Soon, soon my love I'll activate you and we will be happy,

Flashback – 20 odd years ago

It's the same room and Elise is sitting in the same chair, only Cyclonus is now Bombshell. He looks at the bot forlornly for a bit until Shrapnel and Kickback enter the room.

**Kickback: **Hey dude. Aren't you going to activate her?

**Bombshell: **No.

**Shrapnel: **Ah, so you've come to your senses and are going to build Marisol, Marisol?

**Bombshell: **NO! It's just that…that…

Suddenly Bombshell starts to bawl uncontrollably and hugs the stunned Kickback.

**Bombshell: **She'd never love me! I'm a freak! A FREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAKKK! 

Kickback comforts Bombshell while glancing over at Shrapnel.

**Shrapnel: **Looks like somebody skipped their morning coffee, coffee.

End Flashback 

**Cyclonus: **Yes, I HAD skipped my morning coffee that day but the fact remains that she would have shunned me as an Insecticon. But now that I'm second in command of the Decepticon army and in possession of a snazzy new pointy helmet, she'll be unable to resist me! MOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!

A knock is heard at the door.

**Sinnertwin: **Cyclonus?

**Cyclonus: **What is it?!

**Sinnertwin: **The Battlechargers return.

**Cyclonus: **Good. I'll be right there.

Cyclonus covers Elise with a sheet and exits the room, locking the door behind him. He made his way to the spaceport, where he found Sinnertwin, Hun-Grr, Mindwipe, Razorclaw and Rampage helping Runamuck and Runabout unload the shuttle.

**Cyclonus: **What's all this?

When no one answered, Cyclonus took a peek at one of the caskets. The nameplate read 'Prowl'. Getting that familiar sinking feeling, Cyclonus checked the next one. It read 'Wheeljack'. By the time he reached Casket #3 (Ironhide) he had become mortally pissed off.

**Cyclonus: **BY THE UNHOLY MIND OF SIMON FURMAN, WHAT THE FRELL IS THIS?!?!?

**Runamuck: **The Autobot bodies.

**Cyclonus: **You were only supposed to retrieve Ratchet! What am I supposed to do with all these corpses?!?

**Runabout: **That's YOUR problem, not ours!

**Runamuck: **Later, suckers!

Runamuck and Runabout transform into their car modes and drive off as Cyclonus massages his brow.

**Cyclonus: **Oy vey…at least it can't get any worse.

Mindwipe walked up to the pointy helmeted Decepticon and pointed at something high up behind him. Very, very cautiously, Cyclonus turned around and looked up to the roof of the Decepticon base to find…

**Galvatron: **COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!

**Cyclonus: **Oh crimminy not again…

**Mindwipe: **I'm afraid so. And get this: Galvatron says he knows the father.

**Cyclonus: **The…FATHER?!?!

**Mindwipe: **Mmm-hmm. Apparently, it's the one smoking a cigar he gave him.

At this point Triggerhappy walks up smoking a fat cigar.

**Triggerhappy: **Hey dudes.

Cyclonus and Mindwipe stare at Triggerhappy in shock.

**Cyclonus: **Where did you get that cigar?

**Triggerhappy: **Galvatron gave it to me. It's kinda weird, he was so nice and court…(notices the look on his comrade's faces) What, what's wrong?

**Cyclonus: **I, uh…I have something to tell you…

Cut to a shot of Char from space.

**Triggerhappy: **WWWHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!?!

*****

Around this time on Cybertron…

Inferno can be seen outside in a desolate part of the planet. He is panting heavily and seems to be sweating. He looks up at the night sky and sees the full moon.

**Inferno: **Damn moon! Always having to be full and all…oh Primus, no! Not again!

Inferno writhes in pain as his body changes shape. After three minutes of this the transformation is complete as Inferno the Autobot becomes…Inferno the Predacon!

**Inferno **(whipping out his flamethrower)**: **BUUUURRRN!

To be continued… 


	6. Having fun with corpses

Author's Note: Albedo, you aren't familiar with Triggerhappy? He appeared in the 'Rebirth' trilogy and became a Targetmaster with a Nebulan called Blowpipe at the end of the G1 cartoon series. He also appeared towards the end of the G1 comic, spouting such brave and heroic comments such as "He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us!" (in reference to Starscream) and "He-he's too strong! Help us Shockwave…HELP US!" (in reference to Scorponok). He's comprised of a blue armored body with white arms and legs and an orange face complete with an orange (comic) or red (cartoon) facemask. He has two large twin barreled guns for shoulders which fit under his wings when he transforms into his plane mode. Hope this is an adequate description. Before I continue the story I want to say thanks again to you and everyone else for their reviews. It's nice to know people appreciate my work.

And now, on with the show!

Chapter 6: Having fun with corpses

Cybertron…

Inferno (the Predacon) ran along the planet's surface and headed for a small unremarkable building, stopping only to fry a few random Autobots, the one that don't have toys in their image. Once he made it inside he made his way down a secret staircase concealed in the floor and ended up in a chamber filled with stasis tubes. Occupying these tubes were Terrorsaur, Scorponok, Black Arachnia, Rampage, Tarantulas, Quickstrike, Waspinator and of course, Megatron. Inferno gazes at the purple bot's tube with devotion before turning his gaze to a row of titanium jars, each labeled with the Predacons' names. These jars contain the Predacons' sparks.

**Inferno: **Soon…soon, my Queen you will revive and lead the colony to victory over the Autobot scum which has replaced the slightly more hateful Maximal scum. 

He attaches a small tube to the top of each jar from the corresponding stasis tube, with the exception of Waspinator.

**Inferno **(to Waspinator's body)**: **I'm afraid I couldn't find your spark dimwitted drone. And for that I'm not at all sorry. 

The fire ant walked over to a console and noted that the sparks would need three hours to re-integrate with their bodies. With a curt nod he sat down in a handily placed easy chair.

**Inferno: **And now we play the waiting game.

Inferno waits patiently for a few minutes before becoming insanely bored, upon which he whipped out a Game Boy Advance.

**Inferno: **Screw the waiting game, let's see if I can finally beat Eggman.

*****

Meanwhile on Char…

**Armada **(pushing an upright gurney to which Ratchet's corpse is strapped to)**: **Why do I have to do this?

**Cyclonus: **Because I'll be damned before I go into his throne room alone while he's in this state. By the way, have you seen Triggerhappy?

**Armada: **Yeah, about ten minutes ago. He's still orbiting the planet screaming 'NO!' over and over again.

**Cyclonus: **Perhaps it was a bad idea to tell him the truth.

**Armada: **Gee, ya think?

Any further talk is stymied when they enter the throne room. Galvatron is there making silly faces at the 'egg'.

**Galvatron: **Who's a big little man! Why it's vu! Yes it is, yes it is!

Armada: *Blink blink* 

**Cyclonus: **Ahem…L-lord Galvatron…?

**Galvatron: **BWAAAAAAAAAAAA! How dare you interrupt my private time!

**Armada: **B-but sir! We have the Autobot you requested!

**Galvatron **(sees Ratchet)**: **Excellent! Leave us!

Cyclonus and Armada happily comply. Galvatron gently lays the 'egg' down on his throne and saunters over to Ratchet.

**Galvatron: **Well, well, well, Chief Medic Ratchet…we finally meet…EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT WE DON'T! (gets right in Ratchet's face)

**Ratchet: **…

**Galvatron: **You don't recognize me do you?

**Ratchet: **…

**Galvatron: **ANSWER ME!

**Ratchet: **…

**Galvatron: **So, you're trying the old silent treatment, eh? Very well, does the name 'Megatron' ring a bell?

**Ratchet: **…

**Galvatron: **AHA! I see the very name strikes you dumb! Yes, I am Megatron reborn as the more powerful…GALVATRON!!!

**Ratchet: **…

Galvatron suddenly realizes that Ratchet has done nothing other than stare at him since he got there. After thinking about this for a few minutes Galvatron came to a logical conclusion.

**Galvatron: **My god…you're trying to stare me down!

Note when I say logical conclusion, I mean what passes for logical in Galvatron's mind.

**Galvatron: **Well, you've picked the wrong Decepticon to engage a staring match with, bucko! I was the staring champion in Iacon for thirteen straight solar cycles! Let us begin!

Galvatron sits down on his throne (carefully picking the 'egg' up first of course) and stares Ratchet in the eyes. Ratchet, being a corpse, stares right back.

*****

Stately Nightbeat Manor, Cybertron…

**Nightbeat: **Hosehead old chum! I can't find the Nightbeat Cave!

**Hosehead: **That's because we don't have a Nightbeat Cave. Remember how the council wouldn't give us planning permission?

**Nightbeat: **Oh yeah.

**Siren: **Holy red tape Nightbeat!

**Nightbeat: **Fear not old chum, we'll sort that mess out yet. In the meantime, to the Nightbeatmobile!

**Siren: **Holy busted spellchecker Nightbeat!

Nightbeat walks over to a bust of Primus and flips the head of to reveal a hidden button. Pressing the button causes a wall to slide to the right revealing two poles. The one on the left has a Nightbeat sign and the one on the right has a Siren sign. The Non-Dynamic Duo run to the poles and slide down them. Once they're out of sight Hosehead returns to the lounge to find Blurr necking with Clover the femmebot. 

**Hosehead: **We're just about ready to go Blurr.

**Blurr: **Dammit!

**Clover: **Ah, don't go off with that feckin' eejit Nightbeat. Stay here and we can have a lot more fun.

**Blurr **(excited)**: **CanIcanIohpleasecanI?!?

**Hosehead: **I'm afraid not. Whenever Nightbeat leaves the manor I have to lock up. Sorry.

Blurr nods sadly and gets up. Quickly writing on a scrap of paper, Clover hands him her phone number.

**Clover: **Call me ya sexy thing ye!

**Blurr: **WOOHOO!

A car can be heard starting up outside. Going to the window the three Autobots watched Nightbeat and Siren drive off in a car whose front was sculpted into Nightbeat's head.

**Blurr: **Whyaretheyusingacarwhentheycantransformthemselves?

**Clover: **Don't bother asking boyo.

**Hosehead: **Indeed. Logic has no place within these walls.

*****

At the same time, in Cybertron's Autobot HQ…

Brainstorm is manning a computer console which is directly linked to the Faye bot.

**Brainstorm: **Link up secure…power supply ready…nothing left to do but…ENGAGE!

Brainstorm presses a big red button (they're always big aren't they? And red.) which causes a surge of energy to flow from the console along the cables to Faye. After a few seconds the power dies down and Faye's eyes light up with a green flare. She stands up and walks around for a bit before noticing the excited Brainstorm.

**Brainstorm: **YES! It worked it worked! I've given you life!

**Faye: **Yep, it sure looks that way.

Quick as a flash Faye picked up a gun someone carelessly left lying around and pointed it at the besotted scientist.

**Faye: **You wanna explain why?

To be continued…


	7. Kiss your sanity goodbye

Chapter 7: Kiss your sanity goodbye

Autobot HQ Cybertron, Brainstorm's lab…

Faye is still pointing the gun at Brainstorm but is now feeling slightly uneasy by the way he's staring at her.

**Faye: **Umm…I'll ask again. Why…

Quick as a flash Brainstorm dived down on his knees and began to kiss Faye's feet. Faye stares on, speechless.

**Brainstorm: **Oh my love, my love! Now we can be together and live on a small farm and raise petro-rabbits and have a white picket fence, just like on TV!

In a few seconds Faye had deduced what took most Transformers decades to realize.

**Faye: **My god…you're a complete freak, aren't you?

**Brainstorm: **If you say so my love!

**Faye: **Sorry pal, but I'm the sort of femmebot who doesn't go in for the loony type. Now if you'll just let go of my leg…

**Brainstorm: **NOOOOOO!

Brainstorm latches tightly onto Faye's leg. Undaunted, Faye slowly makes her way to the lab's exit, dragging the lovesick scientist along with her.

**Brainstorm: **Wait! Please stay! I'll give you anything!

**Faye: **LOOK, for the last…did you say anything?

Brainstorm nods eagerly as Faye smiles.

**Faye: **Hmmm…

*****

Still on Cybertron, Autobots Crypts…

**Springer: **Rodimus?

**Rodimus Prime: **Yeah?

**Springer: **Tell me, WHY have we hired these guys?

Cut over to Nightbeat and Siren who are examining the crime scene. Nightbeat is wearing a cowl shaped like the top half of his face, a gold cape and a gray jumpsuit with a picture of his silhouetted head in a gold circle on his chest. Siren is dressed in the sort of outfit that a male stripper would class as too demeaning.  

**Rodimus Prime: **Find anything yet Nightbeat?

**Nightbeat: **I have indeed, old chum. It appears that these graves have been robbed!

An abating silence ensues. Tumbleweeds drift by.

**Arcee: **…And?

**Nightbeat: **AND they've been robbed by a person – OR PERSONS! – unknown. (takes a few puffs on his pipe)

**Autobots: **…

**Siren: **Holy high speed deduction Nightbeat!

**Ultra Magnus **(whispering to Rodimus)**: **Can I kill them NOW? PLEASE?!?

**Rodimus Prime **(also whispering)**: **For the last time no! We are Autobots, we do not kill our own.

Rodimus, Magnus, Springer and Arcee watch as Siren trips over a divot in the ground.

**Siren: **Holy pratfall Nightbeat!

**Rodimus Prime: **…Then again, exceptions can be made…

*****

STILL on Cybertron, in the stasis tube building…

**Inferno **(walking back into the room from the toilet)**: **Ugh…damn energon burritos…

**Megatron: **I hope you washed up after you yesssss.

**Inferno: **MY QUEEN!

Inferno dives to his knees in front of the Predacon commander, who is surrounded by the others.

**Quickstrike: **Where are we?

**Black Arachnia: **More to the point, what am I doing here? I'm not even a Predacon anymore!

**Inferno **(back on his feet)**: **Silence disloyal drone! I have given you another chance to serve the almighty Queen!

**Megatron: **How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?

**Inferno: **6,000,000,000,000,000,001 times, my Queen!

**Megatron: **And yet still you do not listen noooo…

**Black Arachnia: **Stuff this! I'm off to find a decent nightclub.

**Inferno: **I don't think so!

Inferno flicks a switch on a control panel, causing all doors to lock.

**Inferno: **I think you will find that escape is impossible.

**Black Arachnia: **Nah, I've got it.

Black Arachnia easily unlocks the door and escapes the building. Inferno looks back at the control panel.

**Inferno: **Hmm…I probably should have hit the switch that locks the doors from the outside…

**Scorponok: **Why's Waspinator still in his stasis tube?

**Inferno: **I couldn't find his spark.

**Megatron: **A real pity, yessss…

**Predacons: **?

**Megatron: **Waspinator may have had less brains than a lobotomized Brittany Spears, but DAMN did he know how to make a cup of tea!

We now see a montage of Megatron sitting in a comfy chair as Waspinator (dressed in a washed out dress) comes in with a cup of tea.

**Waspinator: **More tea zzzzzir?

**Megatron: **No thanks Mrs. Doylinator. I couldn't drink another drop.

**Waspinator: **Ah go on, you'll have another cup!

**Megatron: **No really, I'm fine.

**Waspinator: **Ah go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go-

***BLAM!***

**Tarantulas: **Um…Megatron? That was an episode of Father Ted.

Silence. 

**Megatron **(stroking his chin)**: **So it was, yessss…anyway! Inferno here shall now tell us what the situation is, and then my sub-standard warriors… we shall raise HELL!

**Predacons: **YAHOOIE!

**Rampage: **Heh heh heh…blood…heh heh heh…

From outside, a Mysterious Figure watches the Predacons through a window. He focuses on Rampage specifically.

**Mysterious Figure: **Soon…

*****

A few hours later, on Char…

Misfire, Soundwave, Weirdwolf and Quake are crowded around a monitor when Cyclonus walks into the control room.

**Cyclonus: **Any change?

**Misfire: **None.

**Weirdwolf: **It's incredible! I mean, he's been staring at that Autobot corpse for nineteen straight hours and he still hasn't moved a muscle!

**Quake: **WAIT! LOOK!

All five 'Cons stare at the monitor and watch as Galvatron looks away from Ratchet and flick on the comm. system on his throne.

**Galvatron: **Cyclonus, Soundwave! Report to my throne room now!

**Soundwave: **Commence Operation: Leave the Room.

Soundwave leaves the room.

**Soundwave: **Mission Complete. Begin New Mission…

**Cyclonus: ***GROAN*

A few minutes later…

**Cyclonus: **You called for us Lord Galvatron?

**Galvatron: **Yes. I must now inform you that Ratchet…is dead.

**Soundwave/Cyclonus **(feigning surprise, albeit badly)**: **REALLY?!?!?

**Galvatron: **Yes.

**Soundwave: **Situation: Unfortunate.

**Cyclonus: **Yeah, I guess I'll just cart this corpse away now.

**Galvatron: **You'll do no such thing!

**Cyclonus** (looks horrified)**: **What?

**Galvatron: **You will summon the one Decepticon who can help me get my revenge!

**Cyclonus **(looks even more horrified)**: **Oh no, you can't mean…!

**Galvatron: **Yes, I want you to summon…

Extreme close up.

**Galvatron:** …BLUDGEON!

Soundwave faints.

To be continued… 


	8. And that's when things REALLY got bizarr...

Author's note: Shoulda said this before, but all Beast Warriors are the same size as the Autobots and Decepticons. They're also all Transmetals.

Chapter 8: And that's when things REALLY got bizarre…

Pokemon City Alpha B-1, Earth…

**Arspinator: **Wazzzzzzpinator getting crampzzzz in places Wazzzzpinator not even know he had.

**Weescream: **SSHH! They're coming!

On the count of one (due to Waspinator's difficulty with numbers beyond that) the Pokemonized duo leapt into the path of Ramjet, Thrust and a near catatonic Dirge.

**Weescream: **WEEZING!

**Arspinator: **WAZZZZ…er, I mean ARBOK!

**Ramjet/Thrust: **KEWL!

In a frenzy of excitement Ramjet picks up Weescream and Thrust grabs Arspinator. Both cuddle the spark-infested models fiercely.

**Ramjet: **Can we keep 'em, Dirge? Huh, can we?!?

**Thrust: **Yeah, can we?!?

**Dirge: **If you can will we leave?

Ramjet and Thrust nod vigorously.

**Dirge: **Then yes.

**Ramjet/Thrust: **YAAAY!

Close up of Weescream and Arspinator, glints of pure evil in their eyes. Unfortunately, instead of a really evil piece of music, the theme to Gilligan's Island starts to play. Damn CD.

*****

Char…

A space shuttle lands near the Decepticon HQ, its engines gradually whirring down from a high scream to a dull whine and its landing legs crushing Fangry and Crankcase beneath them as it touches down. A welcoming party of Cyclonus, Spinister, Needlenose and Bom-Burst walk up to the shuttle as three figures disembark. One of them looks a humanoid who escaped from _Flesh Gordon_, the second is a humanoid looking deep sea diver with tentacles coming out of his shoulders while their leader is a skull faced samurai, albeit one with a taste for day-glo orange armor and shocking purple helmets. They are Stranglehold, Octopunch and Bludgeon.

**Cyclonus: **About time you got here. Look, we ne-

**Bludgeon: **I am Bludgeon.

**Cyclonus: **Um, we kinda knew that already…

**Bludgeon: **I am the Master of Metalikato and these are my assistants Octopunch and Stranglehold.

**Stranglehold: **Assistants…?

**Octopunch: **Meh, it's better than 'hanger-ons'. 

**Bludgeon **(to Spinister)**: **You, take my bags to my quarters.

**Spinister: **Do I look like a freaking busboy?!?

**Bludgeon: **…Yes.

Cut to Spinister who is indeed dressed like a busboy.

**Spinister: **Grr…you win THIS round Bludgeon…

Spinister picks up Bludgeon's bags as the other 'Cons walks toward the main complex. A distance away Inferno and Terrorsaur are spying on these events. Well, Inferno is. Terrorsaur is currently trying to guide Super Sonic to victory on the fire ant's Game Boy Advance.

**Inferno **(looking through some binoculars)**: **DEAR PRIMUS!!!

**Terrorsaur: **What is it?

**Inferno: **The greatest, vilest, most unspeakable evil has been summoned by the Decepticons!

**Terrorsaur: **Oh no, you mean…CHEETOR?!?!

**Inferno: **Ye…what? No, I mean the OTHER greatest, vilest, most unspeakable evil.

**Terrorsaur: **…Barbara Stresiand?

**Inferno: **…I hate you.

Inferno hands Terrorsaur the binoculars. After he's switched the Game Boy Advance off he takes a peek at the 'Cons. A girly squeak of terror escapes his lips.

**Inferno: **Come, we must report this to the Royalty!

Inferno's jet ignites while Terrorsaur transforms into his pteradon form. The duo fly off towards the new Predacon base. 

*****

Inside Galvatron's throne room…

**Galvatron: **So, can you do anything?

**Bludgeon: **Indeed I can. I can bring this Autobot back to life if you want me to.

**Galvatron: **Really? How?

**Bludgeon: **I shall use the ancient and mystical technique known as Complete Bollocks to reinsert his spark into his body.

**Galvatron: **I have never heard of this technique before.

**Bludgeon: **I'm not surprised.It is a most secret and powerful magical discipline known only to myself and human politicians. In fact, these politicians have been known to speak it time and again.

**Galvatron: **Very well. Proceed!

Bludgeon bows to Galvatron before turning to Ratchet. Closing his eyes he began to recite a powerful and ancient spell:

**Bludgeon: **_O media mogul tyrant,_

_                   Snark gazza wazoo!_

_                   Rhinox is a wiener,_

_                   Hasbro makee lotsa monee!_

The second Bludgeon's finished the spell a blue light engulfs Ratchet. After a second or two it starts to expand.

**Bludgeon: **Uh-oh…

*****

Meanwhile, in Cyclonus' Closet O' Wonder…

**Cyclonus: **When I was an Insecticon, happiness was like having sex with Nelly Furtado. Very much desired but completely unlikely.

He walks over to a control panel which is attached to Elise in her chair.

**Cyclonus: **But you, my dear, shall change that.

With a smile Cyclonus pushes the activation switch just as the blue light comes through the wall and engulfs Elise.

**Cyclonus: **What the…?!

*****

Simultaneously, at the Predacon base…

**Megatron: **Report!

**Inferno: **My Queen, while at the Decepticon base we saw-

The blue light suddenly bursts through the wall and engulfs Inferno and Quickstrike in a blaze of pyrotechnics. A quick orbital shot of Cybertron shows the blue light cover Cybertron and open holes in the space/time continuum. Four figures exit from four separate holes. Back at the Predacon base the light dies down.

**Megatron **(rubbing his eyes)**: **Inferno! Quickstrike!

He is about to yell out when he catches sight of Inferno and struck dumb, as are the other Predacons. With Quickstrike unconscious on the ground to his right, we can see that Inferno' left side is now that of…Inferno! The Autobot and Predacon are now physically one. (Think Megatron/Ratchet from The Curse, only here the duo's heads are separate and they have only two legs.)

**Both Infernos: **What?

The duo's eyes open wide. Slowly, they turn their heads to find…

Cut to an orbital shot of Cybertron.

**Both Infernos: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

To be continued…  


	9. The Aftermath (Char)

**Pleasant Female Voice: **Hello, you've reached the 'Revenge!' Hotline, the world's 6,978 best revenge based Internet story. To read the story, press 1. To contact Albedo on how to properly raise your pet vampiric kiwi, press 2. To send vicious death threats to the writer for making you waste ten precious minutes of your life reading this gobbledygook, press 3. Thank you ."

Fade out as millions of people across the world press 3 on their phones…

Chapter 9: The Aftermath (Char) 

Galvatron's throne room, Char…

Smoke is billowing all over the place. After a few seconds of silence Galvatron and Bludgeon rise out of the smoke, slightly dazed but otherwise unharmed.

**Galavtron: **What happened?!?

Bludgeon opened his mouth to speak when a third figure rises from the seemingly never-ending smoke. It's Ratchet!

**Galvatron: **BWAAAAAAA! Finally, I can have my revenge!

At the sound of his voice Ratchet turns around and stumbles towards him. His skin has taken on a dirty white/gray color and his eyes are dead. Open wounds pulsate stagnant energon. Moaning, he stretches his arms out toward Galvatron. He has become a zombie!

**Zombie Ratchet: **BRAAAAAAIIIINNSSSSSSSS!

**Galvatron: **Ah yes, finally Ratchet, you shall pay for the numerous sleepless nights, the huge psychiatric bills and my irrational fear of penguins! DIIIIIIEEEEE!

Galvatron fires a blast from his fusion cannon at Zombie Ratchet. It hits him square in the chest and opens up a massive wound but the medic actually accelerates towards Galvatron. Annoyed, he is about to fire off another blast when Bludgeon jumps in front of him, sword raised.

**Bludgeon: **Fear not my liege! For this walking abomination shall taste the full fury of Metalikato from – 

Zombie Ratchet smacks Bludgeon with the back of his hand, sending the Pretender into the far wall.

**Zombie Ratchet: **BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNSSSSSS!

Zombie Ratchet leaps at Galvatron and is about to take a big juicy bite of his head when he suddenly realizes that there's no brain in there. Disgusted, Zombie Ratchet picks Galvatron up and tosses him onto Bludgeon before running away, all the while moaning "BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNSSSS!"

**Bludgeon **(wincing from the look Galvatron is giving him)**: **Ummm…whoops?

*****

A few seconds later…

Bludgeon is suspended upside down over a pit full of vampiric kiwis as Octopunch, Stranglehold and a familiar white and blue female Decepticon stand by the rope holding him. The hungry kiwis make the noise they usually make when they see their next meal.

**Vampiric Kiwis: **HUNGRY VAMPIRIC KIWI NOISE! HUNGRY VAMPIRIC KIWI NOISE! 

**Bludgeon: **OH COME ON! Don't you think that this is a little extreme?!?

**Stranglehold: **Nope.

**Octopunch: **Nuh-uh.

**Albedo: **Not at all.

Albedo cuts the rope holding Bludgeon up, causing him to fall into the pit. Many chewing and gulping noises can be heard.

**Octopunch **(taping the whole thing)**: **Thanks for the kiwis Albe.

**Albedo: **No problem. They needed a good feed anyway :)

*****

Cyclonus' Closet…

Cyclonus is trying to clear his vision when he sees Elise walk towards him. He smiles as he sees that whatever the blue light was it didn't affect her in any way. His smile fades when Elise opens her mouth and speaks. It's not the sultry Canadian purr he was expecting; in fact the voice wasn't even female. The voice that came of her mouth was that of…

**Quickstrike: **Tarnation, stranger! What's goin' on in these here parts? Tell me or I'LL KICK YER KEISTER!

**Cyclonus: **O_O

*****

Decepticon HQ, Meeting Hall…

**Galvatron: **My fellow Decepticons! I'm afraid we have an Autobot intruder in our midst!

**Decepticons: **…

**Battletrap: **…And?

**Galvatron: **What do you mean 'and'?!? Doesn't that news by itself stir up your warrior spirit?

**Skalor: **Not really, no.

**Galvatron: **Well, how about if I told you that the intruder was RATCHET and that he was he was DEAD! (beat) HA! I see that the very news make you goggle eyed with fear!

Cut back to the assembled Decepticons who are indeed goggle eyed with fear, but not at Galvatron's words. Albedo points at the huge video wall behind Galvatron.

**Albedo: **My leader! LOOK!

Confused, Galvatron turns around to see a film of him in the bath playing with his rubber froggie Wheezy.

**Galvatron **(video)**: **Someone's in the bath with Wheezy!

Someone's in the bath I know-ho-ho! 

                                   Someone's in the bath with Wheezy…

Galvatron starts to go shocking pink with rage. Cut to the projection room to see Zombie Ratchet feeding this particular film in.

**Zombie Ratchet: **Hee hee hee!

Cut back to the meeting hall. After a few more seconds of singing Galvatron gets out of the bath and remember folks, he's not wearing a codpiece. Worse still, the camera goes in for an EXTREME close-up. The Decepticons screech in sheer terror.

**Divebomb **(covering his eyes)**: **MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!

**Galvatron** (aims his fusion cannon at the projection room)**: **BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

He fires a massive blast at the room, destroying it and blasting Zombie Ratchet out of the building.Taking a few seconds to compose himself he continued his briefing to his traumatized troops.

**Galvatron: **Anyway, this little incident came about after a small accident with a resurrection spell, causing that blue mystical light you all saw.

**Cyclonus **(angry)**: **You mean the mystic blue light that switched the spark of my beloved with that of an insane Predacon who seems to think that he's from Texas? YOU MEAN THAT ONE?!?!

**Galvatron: **Yes, I do. Fear not, my semi-loyal warriors for I have procured a training program for dealing with zombie attacks.

Galvatron produces a DVD from subspace and slots into the player/TV beside him. A few seconds the title of the 'training program' comes up and the Decepticons get the familiar sinking feeling that had become so frequent since Megatron had been reformatted into Galvatron. The program was really a Z grade 1970s zombie movie by the name of "Groovy Motown Boy Meets the Funky Freak-Out Zombies". Using the DVD remote Galvatron brought up a scene from the movie.

**Galvatron: **Our battle plan shall be thus: All of you shall don a long blonde wig, a green super-tight turtle neck sweater and jeans nine sizes too small. According to the program this is the appropriate apparel for hunting zombies.

The 'Cons remain speechless as small airborne drones hand out small bags. Inside the bags are the items previously described and, for the males, a giant pair of fake breasts.

**Holo-Shockwave: **Do we really have to wear this?

**Galvatron: **Yes.

**Holo-Shockwave: **Even me?

**Galvatron: **ESPECIALLY you!

**Holo-Shockwave: **O_O

Galvatron plays another scene from the film, which consists of one of the female characters (dressed as described) walking backwards into a dark room by herself without a weapon.

**Galvatron: **Judging by how often the instructors do this, I have decided that our battle plan will be to walk around the base backwards while all the lights are out unarmed. Any questions? 

Cut back to the Decepticons, too stunned to speak.

**Galvatron: **Excellent. Triggerhappy, you shall stay with me until this whole mess is sorted out…

**Triggerhappy: ***GULP!*

**Galvatron: **…and the honor of guarding us shall go to…(waves his finger around randomly before resting on Rack 'n' Ruin)…YOU!

**Rack 'n' Ruin: **Oh…joy.

*****

A few minutes later…

We can see Mindwipe in the female get up wandering around in the dark backwards. The tightness of the clothes makes him walk like John Wayne with arthritis.

**Mindwipe: **Slag it! This is ridiculous. How the hell am I…

Suddenly he bumps into someone that he can't see. Frightened, he slowly turned around and flashed his flashlight into the face of…

**Zombie Ratchet: **Hi!

**Mindwipe: **AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The scene fades to black momentarily as various crunching and slurping noises can be heard. When we come back Mindwipe is on the ground with a hole in his head and Zombie Ratchet wiping energon from his lips.

**Zombie Ratchet: **YUM YUM! Mindwipe's brains tastes like roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and Bubblicous chewing gum! I think I'll live on brains forever! They're yummy so they are!

Zombie Ratchet staggers off. A few seconds later Mindwipe rises.

**Zombie Mindwipe: **BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNSSSSSSSS!

*****

Meanwhile, in another part of the base…

**Cyclonus **(in the costume)**: **To the Pit with this.

He turns around to discover a figure walking towards him. He reached down for his weapon and cursed when he realized that he didn't have it with him. As the figure came closer Cyclonus could make out more and more features. His eyes widened as he suddenly knew who it was.

**Cyclonus: **No…NO! It…it can't be!

The figure stops right in front of Cyclonus and gives him an odd look.

**Cyclonus: **BOMBSHELL! But…but I'M Bombshell!

**Bombshell **(backing away a step)**: **Suuurre you are…

To be continued…

Next chapter:

**Swoop: **Me Swoop feel guilt chip overload!

**Faye: **Oh, that? You know with the right adjustments you can get that down to a pleasant tingle…(smiles widely)…aw yeah, there it is…

**Swoop: **O_O


	10. There's a plot in here somewhere

Starting things off, Albedo's review…

_*Cut to Decepticon HQ where Galvatron can be seen sitting on his throne as Triggerhappy looks worried at him._

_Triggerhappy_…ehr…mighty Galvatron…why have I been summoned here?_

_Galvatron_ Why?? Don't you remember, Triggerhappy?? Don't you have any respect for Junior??_

_The camera closes into 'The Egg'. Triggerhappy raises one eyebrow, looking around and wondering what he did to deserve this, placing his face in his hands._

_Galvatron_ You see??? It can be born at any moment!!_

_He points to 'the egg'. Some seconds of silence follow. He placed a thoughtful chin in his hand, then points again. Despite the suspense-like music that this time plays in the background, still nothing happens._

_Galvatron_ ARE YOU DEAF??? I SAID YOU COULD BE BORN AT ANY MOMENT!!_

Triggerhappy shakes his head, as Galavtron begun to hit 'the egg' against the aforementioned 'con's head.

_Galvatron_ NOW YOU'LL HAVE TO BE BORN, YOU *#@$*@% EGG!!! IWANT YOU TO BE BORN SO I CAN FORCE ALL MY TROOPS TO GIVE ME A GIFT FOR MOTHER'S DAY!! BWWWWWWWAAAAAAAA!!!_

_Rack 'n' Ruin, outside Galvatron's throne chamber, only heard the shouting from inside, happy for not being there. Out of nothing Albedo shows up, poking him._

_Al_ Did you see my vampiric kiwis?_

_Rack 'n' Ruin_ WHAT?? AREN'T THEY ON THE PIT ANYMORE?_

_Al_ Ehr…no. Megakiwi sweared they were going to use the restroom, but it had been half an hour ago…now I'm looking for them. If you see any, tell them I'm waiting at the pit. OK?_

_She left. Rack 'n' Ruin looked around, worried, when he felt a light poking at his left leg. Looking down, he saw one lonely tiny kiwi. He stepped on it, making a buzzing noise before it ploc-ed to death._

_Rack 'n' Ruin_ Hehehehe…_

_In a sudden, hundreds of hungry kiwis jumped from the ceiling onto Rack 'n' Ruin, that begun to be chewed and finally eliminated. Megakiwi, commanding the attack, cackled for himself, followed by his troops…_

And now, the story continues…nonsensically. 

Chapter 10: There's a plot in here somewhere… 

Charr…

We're in a large meeting hall. Sitting in a row in front of a large stage are the Triggercons (Ruckus, Windsweeper and the rebuilt Crankcase), the Seacons (Snaptrap, Nautilator, Seawing, Skalor, Tentakil and Overbite) along with Starbug, Crusader and Disaster Area. After a few seconds Albedo walks out onto the stage and approaches a microphone, which is linked to a pair of speakers so large they touch the ceiling.

**Albedo: **My fellow Decepticons, hear me!

Cut to the gathered Decepticons, all of whom were reeling from the massive wall of sound that had just pummeled them.

**Windsweeper:** It'll be difficult not to!

**Albedo: **I called you all here for a specific purpose.

With a flourish Albedo produces a picture of Megakiwi and his cohorts dressed as cowboys and riding hobby horses.

**Decepticons: **AWWWWWW!

**Albedo: **Eh? (looks at the photo) Slag it! I must've left the other photo at home!

**Starbug: **Can we please get to the point of this meeting?****

**Albedo: **Well, I did have this 400 page speech about kiwi feeding habits and the like but it was allsupposed to be kicked off by the photo…aw, to the Pit with it. Long story short, my vampire kiwis have gone missing and you lot are going to help me find them.

At this the Seacons look at each other before merging together to form Piranacon. The gestalt stomps over to Albedo menacingly.****

**Piranacon: **And why should we do that?****

**Albedo: **Because I'll give you all a free cookie.****

Piranacon thinks about this for a moment before separating into his six component parts.

**Snaptrap: **Well, she's got myvote.

The Seacons sit down as Ruckus raises his arm.

**Albedo: **Yes Ruckus?

**Ruckus: **These kiwis are dangerous, right?

**Albedo: **Right.

**Ruckus: **So there's a good chance we could get horribly scrapped, right?

**Albedo: **Right.

**Ruckus: **So who's going to fix us when this inevitably happens?

**Albedo: **I will!

**Ruckus: **Oh really? Like the way you 'fixed' Crankcase?

Cut to Crankcase, his faceplate hanging off as he downs another bottle of vintage Cybertronian ener-gin.

**Crankcase: **FECK! DRINK! ARSE! GIRLS!

**Albedo: **Crankcase? I didn't fix Crankcase. I left that to Crusader.

Everyone looks at Crusader. The bull/scorpion Fuzor-like Decepticon looks down at a non-existent watch on his wrist.

**Crusader: **My my my. Is that the time? I really must dash.

**Albedo: **Stay put you! To help us in our quest to find my kiwis and find a nice Mother's Day gift for Galvatron I've enlisted the help of a specialist in these particular fields.

**Seawing: **Really? Who?

Albedo gestures to her right where a large Autobot steps out from behind the curtain. All present gasp in astonishment.

**Decepticons: **LUNARFORMER!!!

*****

Meanwhile, in another part of the base…

**Bombshell: **Soooo…you're a future version of me?

**Cyclonus: **Essentially, yes.

**Bombshell: **Good to see I'm embracing…uh, 'alternate lifestyles'. 

**Cyclonus: **Hmm? Oh! No no no! My commander ordered me to dress like this!

**Bombshell: **Who the slag's your commander? Starscream?

**Starscream **(from a great distance)**: **I'M NOT GAY!

At this point Quickstrike (in Elise's body) comes swaggering down towards the duo. Bombshell gets bashful as he sees the Fuzor/femmebot.

**Quickstrike: **Welllllll, HOWDY!

**Bombshell: **…WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LOVE?!?

**Cyclonus: **Well, you see…

**Kickback: **Kick his ass, Bombshell!

**Shrapnel: **Yeah, yeah!

Cyclonus stares in bemusement at the Insecticon duo, both of whom had literally sprung up from nowhere.

**Cyclonus: **Where the Pit did you two come from?

**Kickback: **Dude, this damn fic stopped making sense after the very first sentence. Us popping out of thin air is the least of your worries.

Cyclonus makes to reply to this, but is stopped by a glove slap to the face. He is stunned to find that the glove is in the hands of Bombshell.

**Bombshell: **FIEND! You'll pay for this travesty! We shall have a duel at dawn tomorrow at this exact spot!

And with that the Insecticons run off.

**Quickstrike: **What the slag was that about, pardner?

**Cyclonus: **I have no idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to repeatedly bonk my head against a wall…

*****

Meanwhile…

On a Decepticon transport, Ramjet and Thrust are playing with the possessed Weezing and Arbok. Waspinator talks to Starscream through psychic means (disembodied sparks can do this you know)

**Waspinator:** Why screamer-bot scream 'I'M NOT GAY!'?

**Starscream: **I can't deal with that now! We must make our presence known!

To the Coneheads' surprise, the two Pokemon dolls leaped from their arms and started to float in midair. Then they began to speak.

**Starscream: **PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!

**Waspinator: **AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!

**Starscream: **TO DENOUCNE THE EVILS OF SKIR AND BUDIANSKY!

**Waspinator: **TO EXTEND OUR REACH TO THE…um…STARS ABOVESKI!

Starscream leaps out of Weezing.

**Starscream: **STARSCREAM!

Waspinator does the same from Arbok.

**Waspinator: **WAZZZZPINATOR!

**Starscream: **TEAM WACKY BLASTS OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

**Waspinator: **SURRENDER NOW OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!

**Flapsnap: **Flapsnap! That's right!

As Flapsnap runs off, Starscream possesses Ramjet while Waspinator possesses Thrust. 

**Waspinator **(looking over his new body)**: **What pointy headed bot's name?

**Starscream:** Thrust.

**Waspinator: **Thruzzzzzt? Name seems familiar to Wazzzzzpinator.

**Starscream: **Really? That's almost interesting.

Starscream and Waspinator head to the cockpit. As soon as Dirge sees him he screams in terror and points his arm cannon at him.

**Dirge: **For the last time, I DON'T want to be serenaded with every song that was ever sung on Pokemon! FOR PRIMUS' SAKE, HAVE MERCY!

**Starscream: **Chill, dude!

**Dirge: **What th…Starscream! And some weird bug dude I've never seen before! What do you want?

**Starscream: **You are to take us to a certain planet.

**Dirge: **What planet?

Extreme close-up of Starscream, so close in fact that we end up in his right nostril.

**Starscream **(ominously)**: **Squornshellous Zeta.

**Dirge: **And if I refuse?

**Starscream **(to Waspinator)**: **Say, did you hear about how a Level 70 Charizard can easily destroy a Level 50 Dragonite?

**Dirge: **Squornshellous Zeta it is!

*****

Back on Charr, what's left of Rack 'n' Ruin begin to stir. The Decepticon symbols on their chests has been eaten away to reveal Autobot insignias. After a few seconds Rack (the left head) activates his com system.

**Rack: **This is Rack, calling Wreckers HQ. Come in Wreckers.

**Impactor **(over the com)**: **Impactor here. Anything to report?

**Rack: **The goose has stolen the pie. Send in Mervyn Pumpkinhead and a bottle of ale.

**Impactor: **…What?

**Rack: **For the love of Primus, didn't you read the Codebook that Xaaron gave us?

**Impactor: **We have a Codebook?

**Rack: **Yeesh. Look, just get yourself and the other Wreckers over here immediately.

Dramatic close-up of Rack.

**Rack: **The Kiwi Wars have begun!

**Ruin: **'The Kiwi Wars'? By Primus that's lame.

**Rack: **Quiet you! 

To be continued…


	11. It's very difficult to come up with clev...

Chapter 11: It's very difficult to come up with clever chapter titles, you know 

Cut to Quintessa, specifically a courtroom where a trial is about to commence. The usual crowd (a Quintesson Judge, Bailiffs and a few Sharkticons) is present, with the Judge wearing a wig and a black muumuu and sitting at the judge's desk. 

**Judge: **Bring in the accused.

Two Bailiffs wheel in a gurney, to which Metal Gear Prime is attached Hannibal Lecter style.

**Judge: **Metal Gear Prime, you stand accused of horrendous crimes against the art of writing in general. How do you plead?

**MG Prime: **Like this. OH PLEASE GOD, DON'T KILL ME! I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!

**Judge: **No, no. I meant do you plead guilty or not guilty? 

**MG Prime: **Oh. Not guilty.

The whole courtroom erupts into uproarious laughter.

**MG Prime:** What?

The lawyer for the prosecution, Tom Servo, hovers to the middle of the room, a few sheets of paper in his hand.

**Tom: **Your Honor, I need only present one shred of evidence to win this trial. I present to you a Transformers/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover entitled "Hero", which the defendant posted on Fanfiction.net a few years ago and then deleted.

Tom hands the sheets to the Judge, who proceeds to read them.

**Judge: **Well, let's see…

The eyes on all five of the Judge's head widen in horror as he keeps reading. Eventually he shrieks and tosses the sheets away.

**Judge: **BURN IT! SEND IT TO HELL!

**MG Prime: **HEY!

**Bailiff: **Quiet, you!

The Bailiff whacks MG Prime with a fun sized diamond mallet.

**Tom: **I dare not show you his Red Dwarf/Charmed story.

**Sharkticon: **It's a bit too late for that.

We see the Judge slumped in his chair, smoke emanating from the top of his head. First Aid, who happened to be present at the time, performs a check-up on him.

**First Aid: **Hmm. Seems his brain self-destructed rather than hold any memory of that god-awful fic.

**Bailiff **(to MG Prime)**: **Looks like we'll be adding Murder One to your crimes, bucko!

**MG Prime: **Bucko?

**Sharkticon: **This trial is now in recess until a new judge can be sworn in.

The Bailiffs wheel MG Prime away to the end tune of Dragon Half.  

To be continued…

And now, onto the main story!

Albedo's contribution…

Scene One… 

_In a forgotten corner of Cybertron, where the Predacons have established their base…_

_Inferno, just transformed into an Inferno/Inferno transformer, still screamed. Megatron, slightly tired after this whole time, came closer and merely slapped the Inferno BW head in his face._

_Mg_ Right, enough of screaming, Inferno!!_

_The BW head stopped, nodding. The other Inferno kept screaming. Megatron cleared his throat._

_Mg_ Aheam…now concerning you, squared Autobot robot… -he looked up and down the Autobot half-…you are ruining the perfect smooth shell of my personal slave, so you'd better leave at once!_

_Inferno G1 stopped screaming, looked at his BW counterpart, then screamed again. Megatron sighed, shaking his head._

_Mg_ Inferno, make him stop._

_Inferno, as the obedient wee ant he is, punched the other head. G1 Inferno, obviously, decided to answer back. The fused mech started fighting with itself, as Megatron grumbled something about needing better troops…_

_…once he felt a poke in his leg._

_Glaring waaaaay down, he found a tiny yellow Kiwi, with a purple collar. After trying to stomp it, he had been flooded by dozens of kiwis, as the Predacons affasted and observed him struggle and scream in despair._

_Inferno BW, hearing that, did what he was supposed to: screaming the most high pitched "My Queen" he could, in a suicidal move, he threw the whole body into the mass of Kiwis, as the G1 Inferno was unable to protest nor avoid the situation._

_A mass of dust revolved on the ground, covering up the scene: the Predacons looked at themselves, nodding and deciding to abandon Megatron to his own fate, wondering if Blackarachnia found a decent nightclub they could have fun at, dragging "Quickstrike" (Elise) with them._

_(End of Scene One)_

_(Begins Scene Two) _

_As the dust dissipated we take sight of Megatron and the monster Inferno/Inferno tied up with ropes to the ground, as the Kiwi with the purple collar walked before the Predacon leader, pressed a button in his left wing, and a clear voice in Cybertronian started to speak…_

_Megakiwi_ I summoned you here with a purpose!_

_Megatron raises one eyebrow._

_Mg_ Summon? No one summons Megatron!_

_Kiwinferno steps ahead, turning his lighter on. Megatron raises one eyebrow._

_Megakiwi_ I have a proposition you cannot refuse. I shall provide you with new troops, new powers._

_Mg_ A new shell? *wink wink*_

_Megakiwi_ Hmmm, no unfortunately, we consumed the last ones we had in our… teeth. Yesssssss._

_Megatron looks worried for a while, then widened his optics, angry._

_Megatron_ HEY! You cannot use my Yess! It's my trademark!_

_Megakiwi then showed up a trademark document stating that he, the kiwi, was the legal owner of the expression "Yess". Megatron read it quickly, seeing the name of the five Lawyercons signed underneath._

_Growling, he shaked his head as Megakiwi restarted speaking._

_Megakiwi_ I will give you property on the Yess if you aid me in revenging on a special mech. To aid me, you may use my numerous vicious troops as you please. Deal?_

_Megatron stared suspiciously, then asked._

_Megatron_ Destroy?_

_Dramatic music plays._

_Megakiwi_ I suppose you aren't skilled enough to eliminate this mech for good?_

_Megatron_ Of course I AM! I am the mighty Megatron and can eliminate anyone in any planet I come by! Who is this poor creature that could be in your deepest worries like this??_

_An even more dramatic piece plays._

_Megakiwi_ Albedo!_

LunarFormer's contribution…

LunarFormer: Hello boys. Remember me? *evil grin* I'd stay right where you are Piranacon. *points his hand cannon at the reforming gestalt* Now, look, I know more about these little menaces than you guys do. Listen to me, and you MAY survive. First, does anyone know where I can find Megs' plans for the Kremzeek? Second we'll need twenty tons of mechfluid and scrap metal. Third…*pulls out a large can of some sort of foam*…we need to spray this on every inch of ourselves in order to keep from being attacked by the birds…oh, welcome to the party, Mindwipe!

_Zombie Mindwipe: Braiiiiiins…_

_LunarFormer: Yes, yes, we all know you like to muck with people's brains, says so in your name. Now shut up. Anyway…_

_(Meanwhile)_

_Sparksmasher: FlapSnap, you idiot, where did you get to?_

_FlapSnap: Dunno. Saw my brother though._

_Sparksmasher: You know we aren't allowed to go to Ancient Earth._

_FlapSnap: But…but I didn't…_

_Sparksmasher: Shut up and get on the table. It's time for a…*snicker*…tune up._

_FlapSnap: Could you at least follow Decepticon military regulations this time? Last time I ended up trying to pull myself off the walls for a week._

_Sparksmasher: We'll see._

Autobot HQ, Cybertron…

Rodimus Prime, Arcee, Ultra Magnus, Springer, Broadside, Sandstorm and Blaster are present in the meeting room. Prime is telling a story as the others look around in a bored fashion.

**Prime: **…and that's when I realized that the nun's outfit wouldn't fool Mr. Wierzbowski's Dobermans.

Suddenly a tremendous blaring noise can be heard from the wrists of the Triple Changers, followed by Impactor's voice.

**Impactor: **ATTENTION ALL WRECKERS! ATTENTION ALL WRECKERS! REPORT TO THE SECRET WRECKER BASE IMMEDIATELY!

The Triple Changers turn off their coms as discretely as they possibly can. After exchanging conspiratorial winks with each other, they all stand up.

**Springer: **Excuse me, Prime. I have to go home and…make a sandwich.

**Broadside: **Me too.

**Sandstorm: **Same here.

**Ultra Magnus: **What, all three of you?

**Springer: **…It's a very big sandwich.

All three run out the door.

**Arcee: **Do you think they'll ever realize that everyone on Cybertron – nay, everyone in this sector of the galaxy – knows of the Wreckers?

**Ultra Magnus: **Probably not. By the way, anyone else think Impactor's been acting a bit…well, funny lately?

Before anyone can reply the main viewscreen suddenly activates, revealing Impactor wearing a Viking Maiden's outfit and a curly French moustache.

**Impactor: **Good evening gentlemen! All your base are belong to us!

The viewscreen switches off.

**All: **Naaaaah.

**Prime: **Say, where's Blaster?

Everyone looks to Blaster's empty chair.

**Prime: **He always does this at 4 p.m. every day. Why?

**Arcee: **Want me to find out?

**Prime: **Would you? I've got some bad news to impart.

*****

Meanwhile…

**Megatron: **I believe you mentioned something about new troops, yesssss?

Megatron can be seen walking with Megakiwi as the Inferno/Inferno creature follows behind them, bickering with itself.

**Megakiwi: **Indeed. But before I do, can you please shut those two up?

Megakiwi indicates the creature before walking into the next chamber. Megatron walks over to the creature and bangs their heads together.

**Inferno (Autobot): **Mother? Is that you?

**Megatron: **Silence! Do you want to be eaten?

**Inferno A: **Better that than betray my code of honor as an Autobot!****

**Inferno (Predacon): **Royalty, can I please kill him? PLEASE?!?

**Megatron: **No!

**Inferno P: **Can I at least BURN him a little?

**Inferno A: **Go ahead and BURN me! Do whatever you want, but it'll be a cold day in the Pit before I betray my ethics and kill a sentient being in cold blood!

Megakiwi walks back into the room.

**Megakiwi: **Oh by the way, if you help us kill Albedo, we'll separate the Autobot and the ant with the funny mannerisms.

**Inferno A: **Well, what're we waiting for? Let's go kill us a 'Con!****

**All: **…

**Inferno A:** Look, I don't usually get much to say all right?

Any reply that was coming is cut off by a voice screaming "BWAAAAAAA!"

**Inferno A: **Galvatron?

**Megakiwi: **No, it's actually one of your new partners. Say hello to…

Suddenly a white, red and gold armored Decepticon run into the chamber, hollering like a lunatic. The optics of Megatron and both Infernos widen as they recognize him.

**Megatron/Infernos: **JHIAXUS!!!

**Jhiaxus: **RRAAAGRH! KILL ALL G1 TRANSFORMERS!

**Megatron: **Well, that's us in the clear, yesssss.

**Jhiaxus: **AND KILL ALL DESCENDANTS OF ALL G1 TRANSFORMERS!

**Megatron: **Dammit.

**Megakiwi: **Fear not, my English accented friend. We've fitted Jhiaxus with an implant that allows you to control him via this remote.

Megakiwi hands the remote to Inferno A. Curious, he presses a button on the remote causing Jhiaxus to dance and sing.

**Jhiaxus: **RIGHT ABOUT NOW! FUNK SOUL BROTHER! CHECK IT OUT NOW! FUNK SOUL BROTHER!

**Inferno A **(getting' his groove on)**:** Cool. Can he do Liberty X?

**????: **He sure can!

The owner of the voice, a tall silver mechanoid with horns wearing a green tunic and a red cape appears. Everyone gapes at him.

**Megatron/Infernos: **DEATH'S HEAD!!!

**Death's Head: **Heard of me, yes?

**Inferno P: **Well, obviously we have. We wouldn't have called out your name otherwise.

**Death's Head: **Quiet you!

*****

Back on Char, where Cyclonus is pacing back and forth in a deserted location. Quickstrike is also there, watching the former Insecticon dig himself into a rut.

**Quickstrike: **Relax, would ya? Bombshell can't be all that bad.

**Cyclonus: **You don't understand! Back when I was an Insecticon I did some crazy things.

Flashback to 20 odd years ago. Bombshell, Shrapnel and Kickback are pelting Megatron with stuffed parrots while dressed as geisha girls and riding unicycles. End flashback.

**Quickstrike: **…

**Cyclonus:** And that was when we were sober!

Any more witty banter is stalled by the appearance of the Insecticons carrying two very long cases.

**Bombshell: **Ready to die, you spark switching girlfriend stealing ho?

**Cyclonus: **…Ho? (shakes his head) Look, let's just get this over with. Are we going to duel with pistols or what?

**Shrapnel: **Pistols, pistols? Pffft, pistols are for sissies, sissies.

**Bombshell: **Yeah! We're going to duel with these!

Bombshell opens the cases, revealing their contents. Cyclonus' expression is similar to that of someone who's seen a porn movie starring Anne Robinson and George Bush Jr.

**Cyclonus: **We're goind to duel with NUCLEAR MISSILES?!?

**Kickback: **Correction! Nuclear missiles with a Nucleon warhead!

**Cyclonus: **B-but…that's crazy!

**Bombshell:** Yeah, crazy…like a FOX!

**Cyclonus: **Don't you understand? This is suicidal!

**Bombshell: **Yeah, suicidal…like a FOX!

**Cyclonus: **Oh, Primus help me…

*****

Meanwhile, on Cybertron, the reincarnated Predacons are wandering around Iacon, with partying on their minds and corns on their feet. Presently, Tarantulas turns to Scorponok (who had assumed command in the absence of Megatron and Inferno).

**Tarantulas: **We're lost, aren't we?

**Scorponok: **For the last time, we are not lost, we're geographically unsure. Now follow me!

Scorponok walks off. Tarantulas, Terrorsaur and Elise make to follow him until they hear sounds of partying coming from a building behind them. Turning around, they spot Blackarachnia impressing the other bar patrons with a spirited rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody.

**Terrorsaur: **Well, that's our forty-five minute quest over with.

**Elise: **What do you mean 'over with'? I've still got to find my old body and my beloved Bombshell!

**Tarantulas: **You keep going on and on about this Bombshell guy.

**Elise: **Trust me, you would too if you could see that fine specimen of robotic insectoid. Mmm, those well defined muscles, that cute little facemask and his absolutely enormous…

**Terrorsaur/Tarantulas: **STOP RIGHT THERE!

**Elise: **What? I was just mentioning his absolutely enormous collection of Barry White albums.

**Terrorsaur/Tarantulas: **…

Elise: What did you guys think I was going to say? 

**Tarantulas: **Oh, nothing. Now to redirect our conversation slightly, has anyone seen Rampage?

Cut to the crab in question, as he views the wares of a stall titled "Cute, Fluffy and Easily Mauled Critters".

**Rampage: **And how much did you say these were?

We now see the stall owner, who is in fact Depth Charge wearing a Beefeaters hat, a handlebar moustache and a matador's outfit.

**Depth Charge: **12,000 shanix per critter.

**Rampage: **That much? All right then, I'll take four. Just let me get my piggy bank.

Rampage pulls out his piggy bank, which looks like Miss Piggy, and drops it on the ground.

**Rampage: **And now I shall pick the shanix off the ground, thereby leaving my back exposed and vulnerable.

He does so. Depth Charge immediately whacks him with a billy club, knocking the crab unconscious before dragging him under the stall.

*****

Autobot HQ, where Prime is talking with Smokescreen and Red Alert.

**Prime: **Seeing as how you two were the closest to him, I thought you should be the first to know.

**Red Alert: **Know what?

**Prime: **Inferno…is dead.

We see the look of shock on the faces of Smokescreen and Red Alert.

**Smokescreen: **Dead? B-but how?

**Prime: **We don't know. Since he didn't turn up for his duty shift this morning we don't have a body.

**Red Alert: **Wait a minute…are you saying that Inferno's been declared dead because he didn't show up for work this morning?

**Prime: **Well…yes.

Red Alert and Smokescreen share a look.

**Smokescreen: **Did it ever occur to you that Inferno might just be skiving off?

**Red Alert: **Or perhaps he's been kidnapped!

**Prime/Smokescreen: **Huh?

**Red Alert: **Don't you see? Obviously his not coming to work is proof positive that he's been kidnapped!

**Smokescreen: **By Primus, you're right!

**Prime: **Eh?

Smokescreen stands up and raises both fists in the air.

**Smokescreen: **Don't worry old pal, we're comin' to save you!

Red Alert stands up and imitates Smokescreen's stance.

**Red Alert: **YEAH!

The two of them stand like that for a few seconds until the theme tune to The Simpsons plays from the other room.

**Smokescreen: **Right after The Simpsons.

**Red Alert: **Yeah, Homer's zany antics will help us think.

They leave the room, leaving behind a gobsmacked Prime.

                                     *****

Meanwhile, on Char…

**LunarFormer: **Yes, things are going precisely as planned.

We see the Autobot dressed in a Pikachu costume made from scrap metal and painted yellow using the mech fluid. Panning out, we can see his fellow Kiwi Hunters (minus Windsweeper and Zombie Mindwipe) dressed the same.

**LunarFormer: **Once Windsweeper and Mindwipe arrive with Sparksmasher and Flapsnap and once Albedo is finished with her secret project, we can begin the hunt!

**Snaptrap: **That's all well and good, but do we really need these ridiculous outfits?

**Starbug: **And did we really need to spray ourselves with Cheese flavored-foam-in-a-can?

**LunarFormer **(holding up said can)**: **Yep! Pikachu and Cheese flavored-foam-in-a-can, the two things the Kiwis fear the most. With this stuff on, we're safe against them.

Albedo enters the room, not wearing the outfit or the cheese, but with seven little robots following her.

**Albedo: **SUCCESS! I've managed to build my very own Minicons! Now I can fuse with them to increase my power tenfold!

**Overbite: **All seven of them? Are you sure that's wise?

**Albedo: **Not entirely. But at any rate, the end result should be quite interesting. Or at the very least funny looking.    

Albedo strikes a dramatic pose.

**Albedo: **But enough talk! Minicons, COMBINE!

Focus on LunarFormer and the Decepticons as they watch the seven Minicons combine with Albedo. As the procedure finishes we see the shocked expressions of everyone present.

**LunarFormer **(awed whisper)**: **By the Covenant of Primus…

To be continued…

Next chapter:Faye! Swoop! Perceptor! And Day Two of the Self-Insertion Trial! Don't miss it!

   

   


End file.
